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Funny Jokes

439 clean jokes to share.

Bite

Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.

My System Crashes

Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.Laloo: I have exhausted all my leave.

Ram And Rom

Gates(Heavily Sweating): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.Laloo: RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P..

Sleeping Under The Net

Gates(Sweating): Hope the internet is being used a lot in India. Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.

Operation

Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?Laloo: OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.

Installed Windows

Gates: At home have u installed Windows? Laloo: I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house

Single Window Clearance Concept

Gates: Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows. Laloo: Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.

So You Smoke

You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks... Stupid Question: Oh, so you smoke. Answer: Gosh, its a miracle ...it was a piece of chalk and now its in flames!

Tell Me If It Hurts

At the dentist when hes sticking pointed objects in your mouth... Stupid Question: Tell me if it hurts? Answer: No it wont. It will just bleed.

Had A Haircut

When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair... Stupid Question: Hey have you had a haircut? Answer: No, its autumn and Im shedding.

Were You Sleeping

When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call... Stupid Question: Sorry. Were you sleeping? Answer: No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not.

Miserable Wife Beating, Insensitive

hen a friend announces her wedding, and you ask... Stupid Question: Is the guy youre marrying well? Answer: No, hes a miserable wife beating, insensitive lout...its just the money.

Munna, Chickoo, Youve Become So Big

At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years. Stupid Question: Munna, Chickoo, youve become so big. Answer: Well you havent particularly shrunk yourself.

Paneer Butter Masala

At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter Stupid Question: Is the "Paneer Butter Masala" dish good? Answer: No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit on it.

Would It Rather Have Been You

At a funeral: One of the teary eyed people ask... Stupid Question: Why, why him, of all people. Answer: Why? Would it rather have been you?

Local Anesthesia

In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet... Stupid Question: Sorry, did that hurt? Answer: No, not at all, Im on local anesthesia. Why donot you try again?

Stupid Question

At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends... Stupid Question: Hey, what are you doing here? Answer: Donot u know, I sell tickets in black over here.

Godfather With A Lawyer

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?A: An offer you canot understand.